A Lame Megaman Battle Network Parody
by Jay Are Vee
Summary: A basic parody about what Megaman Battle Network games are all about, Lan fighting an evil net mafia, saving the day, evil navis, malfunctioning appliances etc.etc. Disclaimer: I don't own Megaman BN (PERIOD) CH. 9 UP!
1. The Classic Begining

(Well although records will show this is my first fic it really is one of many attempts I've had at making a MMBN fic. Unlike the others I hope maybe this one will last. This first chapter was made between me and Saddened Soul so I credit him for half of this chapter. Well read on but if you're going to give me a critique please make sure it doesn't turn into one big flame as I am very sensitive.)

**CHAPTER 1**

"Lan, wake up, Lan!" Megaman.EXE screamed from the PET. Lan Hikari snorted. "Dammit Megaman! I was having an extremely hot dream about Mayl! And just when it was about to get good, you had to wake me up!"

"Lan, let me remind you you're only twelve, and what you were probably dreaming about is hardly appropriate for your age."

"What do you mean? I was just dreaming about me and Mayl-", Megaman interrupted, "Correction Lan, it's Mayl and I, not me and Mayl. What you said just now was improper grammar, and improper grammar is disgusting."

Megaman cleared his throat. "Besides, today's the field trip to Netopia."

Lan coughed. "Whatever, but anyway me and Mayl-"

"Mayl and I."

"Okay, **Mayl and I **were just eating ice cream on a hot summer day. It's a very distant memory from when we were about five."

Megaman replied sarcastically, "Sure."

"I'm serious!" But before Lan could continue the argument, they were called down to breakfast.

Lan's father pouted angrily. "No! Stupid refrigerator! My favorite chilled eggs have been sabotaged!"

"Something wrong, Dad?" Lan asked while tightening his bandana. His father nodded. "The stupid refrigerator is malfunctioning, just like the oven, microwave, and any other appliance we have just when we're about to eat!"

Lan sighed. "Mom, I think you need to get new kitchen appliances." Mrs. Hikari gritted her teeth. "Don't complain young man, just jack in and fix the friggin' fridge!"

"Okay jack in Megaman, execute. But first Dad, disco ball please." Mr. Hikari clapped twice and a disco ball came out. "Mom, music please." Mrs. Hikari clapped three times. Disco music played in the background and Lan felt everything was right. "Noooowwww, jaaaaaaaccccccck iiiiiiiiiiiiiiin Meeeeeeeeeeggggggggggaaaaaaammmmmmmaaaaaannnnnnn exxxxxxxxxxxeeeeeeeeccccccccccuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttte!" Lan pulled out a ladder from his key items list and climbed up it. Then he jumped up and held his PET high in the air. Then a flash of blinding heavenly light shone, and Megaman entered the cyberworld.

Megaman walked from the warp point into the fridge computer where he saw Mr Prog running for his life. He went up to Megaman, "Help, help, the viruses are attacking me." "It's alright Mr. Prog, I'll take care of it." "Okay but hurry, I think they're trying to rape Mrs. Prog."

Megaman heard shrill cries of anguish. He saw three viruses surrounding the innocent program. Megaman called out, "Hey you three, get away from Mrs. Prog you filthy bastards!" The viruses turned around. Megaman was face to faces with three angry, drooling, blood thirsty Life Viruses." "Umm I was just kidding… umm Lan, help here!!!"

"Okay Megaman, battle routine set…" Megaman gulped, "execute."

As Lan was about to start operating Megaman, his dad interrupted. "What are you doing, Lan?"

"Uh, netbattling."

"No, no, no, that's not how you do it. Have you completely forgotten how to netbattle?"

Lan shook his head. "Um, Dad-" But was cut off as his father cleared his throat. "Now, to fire Megaman's buster, you have to press the B button. You can also fire a much more powerful blast by holding the B button down and then releasing it."

Lan scanned the PET. "But Dad, I don't have a B button."

His father shook his head. "Stop being delusional, you have a B button, A button, L button, R button, Select button and Start button."

Lan scratched his head. "No, I have a Menu button, Power button, and an Activate button."

Lan's father sighed. "Yes, well, moving on, you can use battlechips by selecting them in the battlechip selection screen. You can choose more than one battlechip at a time, but the chips must have the exact same chip code. For example, choose your Cannon A, Cannon B, and another Cannon B. Whenever you pick the same chip though, you continue picking them regardless of codes. Star coded chips though, can be chosen with any other chip. Now, it's time to try it for yourself. Choose the AreaGrab S, and then the Widesword S. Now-"

"I friggin' know how to netbattle, Dad!" Lan shouted, fed up with his father's arrogance. Anyway, as his dad tutored him in netbattling, Lan helplessly watched as Megaman was thrashed about by the Lifeviruses, having only one HP left in the end.

"Megaman are you alright?" Megaman's eyes were filled with fiery rage as he stared at the huge beast. "Damn you Lan… just select a chip…**NOW!!!**" "Uhh, okay Megaman just please don't kill me." Lan, fearing for his life, pulled up the chip selection screen. "Megaman scanned through the row of chips. "Aaarrrgh, they're no good!" Then Megaman went to the bottom row of chips where he saw a chip that caught his eye. It was a battlechip with an evil feel about it. Megaman examined it closer, the chip read, Dark Can Of Whupass.

"This is it, Lan download that chip, or I'll rip your testicles off!!!" "Megaman are you sure? That chip doesn't seem very nice." Megaman argued with pure, dark, evil, rage in his heart,"I said now. Please. For Mrs. Prog's sake."

"Well, when you put it like that…" Lan downloaded the chip. Megaman smiled a devilish smile, and confronted the Life Viruses. "Now it's time for all you hideous beasts to go back to the fiery depths from which you came!!!" One of the viruses looked at Megaman and horror and said, "STOP!!!" Megaman halted as he was about to use the forbidden chip.

"Don't you see," the virus continued, "Megaman don't you see what's going on. You're calling us the hideous beasts, but we're not the demons here. The only demon here is you."

"What?!" Megaman started to calm down a bit. "Megaman, look at you, you're abusing you're operator, you're using foul language, and you lost sight of the true meaning of Chistmas." Megaman cut in, "Wait a second, when were we talking about Christmas?" "Uhh, nevermind. What I'm trying to say is you've become what you hate most. A cruel, senseless, treacherous, dark soul navi. But if you don't believe me look for yourself."

Megaman walked over to a cyber puddle and looked at his reflection. But to his horror he saw nothing in the puddle, he had no reflection! Megaman started to tear up, "Life Virus, how can this be, I look in the water, but no reflection shows. Why Life Virus, why?" "Your reflection doesn't show because you have no soul. But it's not too late Megaman. Don't use the dark chip. Put it down and jack out of the refrigerator."

"That is what you'd want I suppose, but I can't do that." Megaman started laughing maniacally. "I'm sorry. You and your friends have to be deleted." Megaman held out his buster. One of the viruses pleaded, "No Megaman, you don't have to do this." "It's too late!!! DARK CAN OF WHUPASS battlechip activate!!!!

A dark beam of evil energy splurted out from Megaman's buster and the Life Viruses were deleted out of existence. Megaman fell to the floor and started crying. "Lan, I've done a baaaad thing." Lan comforted, "Shh, shh, there, there Megaman. It's all right. It's over now."

Lan breathed a sigh of relief and chugged his milk. "Well, gotta go! See ya Mom!"

Meanwhile, In the Refrigerator Computer 

"Mrs. Prog? Mrs. Prog?! "NO!!!!" The program cried out.

"What's wrong," asked the ice cube program. Mr. Prog wiped a tear from his eyes. "That heartless beast, Megaman. He deleted her, and now he will pay… with his poor little cyber soul!"

But Megaman and Lan had already departed for school.


	2. Airport Craziness

(Well I'm going to go ahead and continue this fic and I'm going to give credit to Saddened Soul once more for writing a good 2/4 of this chapter, thanks Soul, you rock!)

CHAPTER 2

"Darn it! How many more minutes until school starts, Megaman!" Lan exclaimed urgently as he roller bladed to school through the blistering winds.

"Exactly one minute and fifty eight seconds. The bus heads off to the airport at 9:00; it's 8:45." Lan scowled. "Well, if the damn refrigerator hadn't malfunctioned we'd be a lot earlier!"

Mayl Sakurai wrote down the last 'Eugene Chaud' on the last page of her notebook. It was finally complete; her notebook full of Eugene Chauds was finished. "What's that Mayl?" Yai asked as she peeked at the notebook from her seat in the bus. Mayl quickly shut the book and glared at Yai, replying, "It's personal."

The whole sixth grade would be given the chance to experience Netopia in all of its glory; all of the teachers had said it would be, 'educational'. Aside from that, Lan and his friends had never met their teacher. They did know, though, he was called by his colleagues, 'Mr. S.'

Lan quickly darted to the bus at school. He was so close; it was exactly 9:00 with 30 minutes left. But just as he was about to enter the bus, the driver stopped. "Can I see some identification?" he asked casually. Lan frowned. "I'm a student, for the Netopia field trip."

The driver glanced at his watch. "It is exactly 9:01; a student would already have been on board."

Lan fished in his pocket, taking out thirty thousand zenny. "Will this settle the difference?" The driver stroked his chin. "Why not? Get on."

(Oh, by the way, in an effort to keep the story non- racist, the bus driver is black.)

Lan yawned before taking a seat next to Mayl, who was revising her notebook for any misspelled, 'Eugenes'.

Yai was unfortunately stuck beside a snoring Dex with mustard and saliva flowing down his chin.

"What's up guys?" Lan asked before turning his PET on mute to avoid Megaman's annoying bickering. Yai shrugged. "Mayl's been working hard on her 'masterpiece', and Dex has been asleep for the last thirty minutes, and I think he's been having erotic wet dreams about you."

Lan's expression showed disgust and horror. "Um, okay," he stammered, before the bus took off.

About fifty minutes later, the bus arrived at the airport. The students obediently walked out in a straight line, towards the airport, with all of their teachers as chaperones.

When they entered the building, Lan immediately noticed his most hatred rival, Eugene Chaud, who was busy buying a ticket.

"Ah, so we meet again," Lan stated as Chaud turned around. "What could filth like you doing around here?"

Lan was just about to respond with a clever remark, but Mayl had taken notice and had instantly ran over to Chaud's side.

"Hey Chaud, I haven't seen you in a long time!" Mayl smiled at Chaud with utmost happiness.

"Mayl I saw you at Jomon Electric store yesterday. Y'know, when I bumped into you and you accidentally stuck your hand in my pants."

Mayl blushed. Chaud turned to Lan. "So Hikari, what brings you to the airport?"

Lan replied, "Well I'm here to go on the school field trip to Netopia. What about you?"

Chaud, anticipating the question responded, "Well, if you haven't heard on the news, I'm going to NAXA to be the first official net battler to go into space. With that being said I want you to have this."

Chaud handed Lan a black T-shirt that read the following words in big gold lettering:

**I MET CHAUD THE FIRST OFFICIAL NETBATTLER TO GO INTO SPACE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT**

Chaud smiled smugly. "You better keep that shirt Lan, it might be the only decent piece of clothing you're ever going to get in a long time."

Lan replied sarcastically, "Thanks Chaud, I'll cherish it for the rest of my life."

Mayl spoke suddenly, "Umm Chaud, I'd like a shirt."

"Oh, yeah, sure. Go fetch girl!" Chaud threw the shirt into a crowd of people. Mayl got on all fours and chased after it. "Well Lan I'll be seeing you later. Oh and you might want to put on that shirt now or you'll look like a major freak."

"Whaddya mean?" Lan inquired. Chaud walked away. "Hmm, what do you think he meant by that Megaman?"

"Uh, Lan, look around." Lan took a look around him and gasped. Everyone in the airport was wearing the Chaud t-shirt.

Someone spotted Lan without the t-shirt and yelled out, "Look, he's not wearing the shirt. Get him!"

Lan ran as people with pitchforks and torches chased after him. Meanwhile Dex, Yai, and Mayl were waiting in line to board the plane.

"Where's Lan?" Yai asked. "I don't know," Dex continued, "but, I sure hope he's not in the middle of that crowd of people over there that seem to be banging their crowbars on what appears to be a human body."

Mayl added, "Nope that definitely isn't him, besides, that person is to bloodied up and half dead looking to be Lan." The people continued to bang on the body with a variety of sharp objects that need not be mentioned; Suddenly a squirt of blood flew up into the air.

"Ouch, that might leave a bruise," Dex commented.

"Okay I'll put on the friggin' t-shirt. God…" Lan came out from the crowd with a black shirt on.

"Oh, hey, what do you know, that was Lan." Mayl had a look of mild surprise on her face. Yai continued, "I would have never guessed." Dex finished, "Aaah, that Lan and his wacky shenanigans." The group of friends started laughing together.

Lan walked up to them slowly, as he was about to collapse from blood loss any minute. "So… what did I miss?"

"Oh nothing we were about to go through an airport screening any moment now."

So, after meeting up again, the group began to make their way towards the line of people moving through the screening mechanism. As more people joined the line, Lan and Dex quickly sped before Mayl and Yai, making them the last two in the line.

"Hey, ever heard of etiquette you morons! Ladies first!" Yai exclaimed Lan glanced back at her. "What are you talking about? Aren't you a guy?"

Yai grew extremely furious. "No, I'm a woman! Did you ever wonder why I went into the pink res' room?"

"Restroom," Megaman suddenly chirped in. "Restroom." Yai ground her teeth. "Do you think I give a damn about how I say it!" Megaman nodded from the PET. "You really should though, proper grammar is what allows the world to spin properly on its axis."

The group went silent for a few moments before Lan told Dex, "Hey, you know that the violations here at these security screenings are becoming more and more frequent?" Dex nodded. "Yep, I heard a guy stuck his hand up a girl's skirt during a security check because he thought she had a gun," Dex thought for a moment, "then again he probably knew there was something up her skirt but I'm pretty sure he knew it wasn't a gun."

As Dex finished this statement, he became next in line.

Dex walked casually through the detector and immediately after a loud beeping noise filled the airport.

An airport security official ran up to Dex. "Ma'am, I'm sorry but we're going to have to search you for dangerous and hazardous objects of any kind."

"Hey I'm a dude!"

"Yes ma'am I'm sure you were at one point, but that is not the issue here. I must give you a pat down to make sure you're not carrying any objects that might be a hazard to your fellow passengers."

"Hey what the-" Dex was cut off by the security official, "Okay ma'am, I'm going to check your breast area with the back of my hands and only the back of my hands."

"Hey!" Dex was turning red with embarrassment and anger as the official was patting his man boobs with his hands.

"Ma'am I'm sorry," the security official stopped abruptly, "would you rather another woman do this?"

"What do ya mean another," Dex paused for a moment, "uh, sure, why not?"

After Dex's pat down, the students boarded the plane.

(Yes I know, another random ending, sorry. Well, I'd like to take this section to respond to my reviews.

Saddened Soul- YOU LOZER! Don't review the first chapter of the fic you're helping me write. Ahh well, I guess it's "all right".

Moonymonster- Thanks for the nice review, but I'm a bit nervous knowing that a reviewer like you is going to critique every aspect of my grammar, but I guess it's all for the better right?

Dr. Weird- No love scene but thanks for reviewing. Oh and if you have anyways to make the story funnier then I would appreciate that input.


	3. Fun With Chatrooms

(Well, I'm updating on Super Bowl Sunday, why did I choose this day to update, I don't know. I mean think about it, I'm probably not going to get any reviews today, because really, It's a bad day to update. But if I do get a review today, I'll know that you're a loser, or then again, just somebody who doesn't like sports. But enough of that, anyways, I'm going to give no credit to Saddened Soul, because he didn't do crap this time, so here I go.)

**Chapter 3**

Lan sat calmly in his seat in second-class seat. Mayl and Yai had taken the two seats across from him, and Dex took a seat in the bathroom, where he undoubtedly would remain for the rest of this flight, seeing as he had one too many airplane burritos.

Lan pulled out his P.E.T and took Megaman off mute. "Damn, this flight is boring, what is there to do around here?"

Megaman replied, "Well you could play solitaire again."

"Done that."

"How about playing cyber chess with me?"

"Do I look like a nerd?"

Megaman sighed, "How about you talk with Yai and Mayl?"

"I'm not that bored."

"Well, you could always stare outside your window and see the majestic clouds and the beauty of the sky."

"Umm, no." Lan thought for a moment, "I guess I'll take out my laptop and go on the net and chat with my friends."

"Aaah, chat rooms. A part of the web where grammar is twisted, tortured, and manipulated to a point of distinct evil where it is made easier, so to speak, but in truth it is made to bring out the true evils of the world which will eventually lead us all to our horrible, but inevitable, catastrophic deaths."

Lan looked at Megaman in utter confusion. "Megaman, sometimes I think it's for my own good that I don't understand all those big words that you say."

Lan shut off his P.E.T and took out his laptop. He entered the dating chatroom where he called for his online girlfriend.

MegalanX09: Helo? Dana? R u there?

Danahotchik: Mega? O…. ur here. GR8!

MegalanX09: Yea… so how r u?

Danahotchik: Good, I missed u.

MegalanX09: I missed u 2 baby. Howz ur life? Ur not seeing anybody else in this chatroom, r u?

Danahotchik: blushes hahaha, no. r u?

MegalanX09:……..um…….no…….so, baby, r u a virgin?

Danahotchik: wouldn't u like to kno smiles

MegalanX09: lol. So I got those pics of u. ur so hot. So can I get som better pics, with a better view…

Danahotchik: yea, about those pics, theres somethin I want to say bout those…

MegalanX09: um sure, wat is it?

Danahotchik: wel, those aren't really pics of me… there actually pics of my cousin

MegalanX09: well then maybe I shood start seein ur cuz…lol… that's alrite, but man wood I luv to see the real u..

Danahotchik: maybe u can… rite now im flyin on a den city airplane …

MegalanX09: Wow what a cuinsidence so am i…

Lan put two and two together and continued to type.

MegalanX09: hey wait a sec, what plane numba are u on?

Danahotchik: 289…

MegalanX09: Wow thatz the plane im on… what class u sittin in?

Danahotchik: 2nd……

MegaLanX09: Wow, im reely amazed thatz the class im sittin in… um wat row?

Danahotchik:………. Row…13…

Lan looked up at the row number he was sitting in. It was row twelve. Lan started sweating.

MegalanX09: uh, wow… ur one row behind me…wow… um u kno I reely luv u a lot…..

Danahotchik: yea…I kno….. mega… r u gay?

MegalanX09: wel, no I don't think… no of corse not, im talking with u, and ur a chick rite?

Danahotchik:……….

MegalanX09: dana?

Danahotchik:……. Im sittin rite behind u...

Lan gulped and broke into a great sweat. He closed his laptop. He took a deep breath and turned to look and the seat behind him. There sat a beautiful blonde haired girl, with blue sparkling eyes, and quite dazzling physical features, if you know what I mean. He suddenly felt relieved.

"Dana?" Lan looked at that girl.

"What, who are you? I'm not Dana, I'm Christie!"

Lan started to panic. Then suddenly a voice came from right next to Christie, "Megalan I'm right here." Lan looked at the person sitting next to Christie and gasped. Dex sat there in his seat, holding a laptop.

Lan threw up on Christie's lap. Christie shouted, "Eeew! Gross!"

Lan gasped for air, "Dex! **WHAT THE FU-"**

**STANDBY- WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES ON FAN FICTION. NET...NOW BACK TO OUR NORMAL PROGRAM-**

"Dex, I-I-I," Lan stammered, "I can't believe… um excuse me just a sec." Lan threw up in Christies face. "Anyways, as I was saying, I can't believe you would do this to me! I trusted you! Dana! I loved you! I discussed pornographic material with you! I thought you were a girl, a girl that I loved, but you're not! You're Dex, my best friend, or at least I thought you were, until you did this!" Lan broke down and started crying.

"Lan I, I didn't know… I'm sorry. Here why don't you come sit to next to me." Lan got out of his seat, and walked past Christie, who was covered in Lan's breakfast, and took a seat next to Dex.

The young boy started to cry even more. "There, there Lan it's all right, come here." Dex comforted.

Lan threw up in his mouth. "God… I feel so vulnerable." Lan got closer to Dex and started hugging him.

Christie suddenly said, "Umm, I definitely don't think I should be here, you guys need to be alone to work out you're issues." Lan and Dex looked up to see the girl walking away, and to there horror, every body in second class was staring at them.

One man had a video camera and was yelling, "C'mon guys take it off! This video is going to make my website famous!" Lan looked at the man and disgust and said, "Can't you see we're having a moment here!" Lan then went back to his hug with Dex.

"Oh Dex…"

"Lan…"

Hours later it was night time. Dex and Lan looked out there window and gazed at the stars.

"Y'know Dex, I can never really love you, you know that, right? I'm straight. I like girls."

"Are you sure Lan, once you get a taste of what it's like on the other side you might not wanna be straight…"

"I'm sorry Dex, I just can't-" Dex put a finger on his lips, "Here, maybe this might help you figure things out. Dex started to move in to kiss Lan.

Lan dodged the kiss. "Okay, Dex, for the last time, I AM NOT GAY! God!" Lan got up to sit in his original seat.

A couple of more hours passed and finally there was a voice on the intercom, "Attention passengers, we have arrived at Netopia."

(Hahaha, I really had you YAOI luvas goin there for a second didn't I? Didn't I? Well as sad as it may seem this chapter was based on a real life experience, meaning that Lan and I need to choose are friends more carefully. Anywho time to respond to reviews.

**Dr. Weird**: Perfect idea! I'll get right on it!

**Blue Phoenix**: Worthy of MAD magazine, wow, I'm honored by such a comment. And I will take your ideas into consideration.

**Saddened Soul**: I can't tell if that was a flame or not. And yes, of course I misspelled loser on purpose, YOU LOZER!

**Jay Are Vee**: You couldn't be more right.

**Xahn**: Yes you can call me Jay! Of course! And Saddened Soul's a douche bag so there! It wasn't the best partnership anyways!

**Ryogas-Baby-Gurl**: Thanks for the nice review, and you will not see any Lan x Chaud in here so, sorry. However, if you like Lan x Dex, the worst pairing MMBN yaoi has to offer, then this chapter was for you.

Oh and readers, next chapter will be my first installment of "The Adventures Of Chaud" so watch out for that.


	4. The Adventures Of Chaud Part 1

(Well, time for the first part of my sub chapters, I'm taking time to randomly place chapters that tell all about Chaud's adventures while Lan is having his, here it goes.)

**

* * *

**

**The Adventures of Chaud (Part 1)**

Chaud boarded the plane to NAXA space station. He felt somewhat tired so he took a short nap.

Chaud looked out the plane window. They were just about to take off from the airport. A flight attendant approached him and asked, "Excuse me sir, would you like some nuts?"

"That's all right ma'am I already have some. Would you like to see my nuts?"

"Umm, no thanks sir."

"Okay then." Chaud took out his bag of nuts and started munching on them.

As he ate he looked out the window; he saw the wing of the plane. It had a large scratch, but Chaud thought nothing of it; after all, the technology in the year 20XXX could repair anything without worry.

A voice through the intercom suddenly blared out, "Attention all passengers, we are now departing to NAXA." Chaud heard the sound of the engines and felt a force that pushed him back in his seat. The plain had left the ground and was now soaring into the air.

Chaud looked out the window again; there he saw it, the scratch on the wing, still neglected. As the plane continued to go faster through the air, sparks started to come out from the wing. Chaud gasped.

The wing caught fire. An urgent voice came from the intercom, "Attention passengers, we are all going to die. Don't panic though, because I have good news," the pilot paused for a moment as tensions rose, "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"

All the passengers groaned at the pilot's lame-ass joke. "Excuse me," A man with a turban and a beard rose out of his seat, "there something I have to do." The strange man went inside the cockpit. Sounds of gunshots could be heard from the cockpit, and a new voice was sounded from the intercom.

"Hello all passengers, my name is Jomama Bin Laid Byme. I am now hijacking this plane, for the honor of myself and to gain a little self-esteem, because, quite frankly, I've felt so insignificant all my life. Y'know? I mean all my life, I've felt like a nobody, and finally, I think by doing this I'll be somebody. It's just that ever since I was a child I never really…"

Chaud rose out of his seat. "I don't have to listen to this crap in my final hours." He went inside the cockpit where Jomama was sitting there making his announcements.

Chaud tapped him on the shoulder, "Whadda you want kid?" Jomama inquired.

"Your life!" The boy took Jomama's gun out from his holster and pointed it at his head. "Any last words?"

"Yes," Jomama took a deep breath, "All I wanted to do was to be somebody. That's all I wanted. Just for people to notice me."

"Well, that's touching. But if you wanted people's attention, you should've just gone streaking, or flash people randomly on the streets. Hijacking planes that are about to crash in a fiery explosion is not the answer."

"Streaking… hmm… why didn't I think of that before?"

"Yes I know, now die!" Chaud pulled the trigger. The gun spurted out confetti in a large bang.

Jomama smiled, "Yes I know what the readers of this fic are thinking, of course I wouldn't carry a real gun. Because let us be honest. That is just not safe."

Chaud grinned, "However the readers of this fic do know one thing. That I am Chaud and I would carry a real gun, for my own personal use." Chaud pulled out a gun and shot Jomama in the head.

"Well…" Jomama started to cough out blood, "maybe in Heaven… I'll finally be somebody… maybe." Jomama breathed his final breath and then expired.

Chaud walked out of the cockpit thinking; _well maybe I'll finally get to die in peace._

When Chaud walked into the passenger seating area he found all of them holding their hands up high in the air.

"What's going on here!"

Chaud felt the cold, hard, steel, of a gun at the back of his head. "Drop your weapon. Slowly."

"Sir, we are all about to die and all you can think of is holding all of us hostage? If I had a zenny for every time I encountered an idiot like you well I'd-" the man cut off Chaud, "Shut up and sit in your seat! NOW!" Chaud calmly walked to his seat and sat down.

"Are all of you scared!" The man asked.

One person said cheerfully, "Well actually, I'm already at peace with the fact that I am going to die within the next five minutes."

"I don't care! Are you people scared!"

Another passenger replied, "Of you, no. Of scary plane about to crash, yes."

"No, no, you're all completely missing the point! Are you scared!"

"Umm, I guess."

"Well you shouldn't be! Because you're on Scare Tactics! I bet you all never saw that coming? Right?"

"Uh, actually we did. The camera man standing right next to you kinda gave it away."

The man with the gun looked at the camera man. "God dammit! I knew I shouldn't have brought you along! You're always blowing our cover."

"Wait a sec," a woman said, "so you mean this is all a part of Scare Tactics? The plane crashing, Jomama, the hold up, all of it is fake?"

"Uh, no. Just the holdup. This whole plane crashing thing was not our idea."

"So we're really all going to die?"

"Yeah, I'm afraid so."

"Damn, that sucks."

"Tell me about it."

Within five seconds the plane exploded, in a fiery, horrible, red light.

Chaud woke up. "Man what a bad dream. Hey what the!" Chaud look out the window to see the same scratch as before. "No it can't be…" A flight attendant approached Chaud.

"Would you like some nuts sir?"

Chaud smiled, "I'm sorry miss, it appears I have boarded the wrong plane." Chaud calmly walked off the plane and back to the airport reception desk. A man went to service him.

"Hello sir, what is it I can do for you?"

"I would like to board a new flight to NAXA, please."

"Okay sir, but it will take ten minutes for me to find you a new flight. Can you wait please?"

"Sure."

Chaud looked out the window behind the reception desk. He saw the plane he was on take off into the air. And within five minutes it exploded.

Chaud watched the fancy light show while an old man suddenly walked up beside him.

"You were supposed to be on that flight, weren't you?"

"Yes, I was."

"It's angry at you now. It wants you."

Chaud felt suddenly chilled and looked at the old man. He was missing an eye, and his only remaining one was completely white.

"Death wants you. It wants you Eugene Chaud! And it won't stop till it gets you!"

The man started walking away. Chaud looked him for a second and blurted out, "Hey, yo mom!"

* * *

(Well, how do ya like me now? I did three different parodies in one chapter! Just in case you didn't get them I'll go ahead and point them out.

1) This chapter was a parody off the movie Final Destination. If you don't know much about it, you could always check out some final destination fics on this website.

2) The geico commercial of course. Man that thing annoys the hell outta me.

3) The Sci Fi original series show Scare Tactics. Never seen it? Well you should check it out; it's pretty awesome (well actually it's pretty cheesy, but same thing)

Now time to respond to reviews.

**Dr. Weird- **Again great ideas. Be patient with me though. I might not find a chapter to fit them in right away but again, I'm workin' on it.

**Saddened Soul-** Yes, I know, I'm such a frickin genius. But I took you off my block users list, so go ahead and leave a signed review, complete with all your little review stalkers and what not.

**Blue Phoenix- **Your forecasting skills were a bit off… but don't worry, next chapter maybe I'll fit in rabid fangirls… and yes Megaman is definitely going to have something to say about grammar in just about every chapter he's in. Well thanks for being in my current following of loyal reviewers; I'll have to send you a medal sometime…later…

**Xahn- **Yes, I am very much against YAOI, as I will express soon, watch out for my next topic in Point of View on the Issues, a weekly segment that I have in my bio in which I discuss stupid topics amongst myself, although I'm hoping to get Saddened Soul to make a guest appearance in the next one, thanx for da review!


	5. A Tragic Event: The Death of A Hero

(Well, here goes another chapter, with a slight chance of evil navis, and maybe the plot of this fic might start to unfold… nah, just kidding, still random stupidity! Yay!)

* * *

**Chapter 5 (or really chapter 4, because the last chapter didn't count, but whatever…)**

Lan and company walked onto the bustling streets of Netopia. "Is that are hotel over there?" Lan looked over a luxurious tall building with a large swimming pool on the roof and gold plated window trimmings, with golden jewel encrusted letters that read, Hotel Del Netopia.

"Yup, that looks like what we usually get to stay in on these out of country fieldtrips." Dex replied.

"Excuse me Dex," Megaman started to speak, " 'Yup' is not a word. That word currently has no existence in the English language therefore; you should not be using it. What you should've said is yes. Just yes. Slang is not permitted while in my presence."

There was a pause in conversation then Mayl finally decided to break the silence. "So, why don't we go to our hotel now? There is obviously nothing to do right now."

The group of friends started to walk to the Hotel Del when Mr. S. (their new teacher, just in case you forgot) called over to them from across the street, "Students, what are you doing over there? Our hotel is over here."

Mr. S. pointed over to a small gray building, with the paint peeling off, and a cheap sign in front of it that read, Embassy Suites, National Headquarters. Enjoy your stay… If you dare!

Lan, Mayl, Yai and Dex, walked over to join their class mates in what might be the crappiest hotel ever made.

"Mr. S., are you sure this is the right hotel?" Yai had a worried expression on her face.

"Miss Yai, do you honestly think our school budget is that great that we can book the most expensive things for this class? If we're going to be here for a day or two we can't just reserve the lavish a billion zenny per night hotels. We have to balance the school budget."

"Budget, smudget. If you just lend me one billion zenny, then I can go ahead and stay at the Hotel Del Netopia, and you guys can go stay at Embassy Suites and frolic in your cheapness."

Mr. S. was not amused. "Young lady, if you're so intent on staying in the pricey hotels then you can go ahead and do that…. Out of your own pocket book!"

Yai smiled. "Yes sir." The small girl walked over to Hotel Del where she entered calmly.

"Yeah, I'd just like to see the look on her face when they kick her tiny butt out of the hotel."

"Why would you say that Mr. S.?" Mayl asked.

"There is a thirty-million zenny entrance fee just to get in that place. And if you can't pay, you get booted out."

"How would you know sir?" One of the students inquired.

"Well, I used to work in the janitorial service department over there."

Dex whispered to Lan, "What is a damn janitor doing teaching our sixth grade class?"

"Well," Lan whispered back to Dex, "I believe that Ms. Mari finally couldn't teach our class this time, seeing as she started that whole, 'getting a real job' thing that she was always talking about…"

Mr. S. spoke, "Yessiree, that frickin' hobbit should be gettin' kicked out of the hotel any minute now." The students waited to see Yai flying through the air.

After an hour of waiting outside with the class Mr. S. could take it no longer. "That's it, I'm goin' after her. Something must've happened."

"Sir, I wouldn't bother to go after her. Yai probably just paid the fee and got in." Mayl said reasonably.

"Yeah," another student added, "Yai is so rich she could buy your family. With all due respect sir."

Another student commented, "No way! Yai's so rich she could buy Mr S's ancestor's coffins, with his relatives still inside!"

"Nah, Yai's so rich she could buy all of ACDC town, with Mr. S. as her pet dog."

"Yai's so rich she could buy Mr. S's mom!"

"Okay students! That's enough. And you," the teacher pointed at the student who made the previous comment, "Never, and I mean never, ever, talk about my mom! Or else I'm gonna have a conference with yo mom!"

Mr. S. walked over to the hotel and entered through the golden, sparkling entrance.

The students waited for a few seconds. There were sounds, shouts, and screams coming from the hotel. "I wonder what that's all about?" Lan looked carefully at the entrance.

Policemen walked out of the hotel with Mr. S. following them in handcuffs. "I swear, I didn't do it!" Mr. S. said frantically.

One of the policemen answered, " Mr. Shitty, you are charged with walking into the Hotel Del Netopia without paying the outrageously expensive fee, and the attempted abduction of a VIP."

"It's Mr. S. godammit! Don't ever call me by my real name!"

"That's enough sir. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and probably will be used against you in the court of law. If you cannot hire an attorney, one will be appointed to you… that is… unless you start acting shitty." All the cops started to break out in laughter as they put Mr. S. in the car and drove away.

"Well, you don't see that happen everyday!" Lan said.

"Well, I guess we have free time now." Dex stated.

"Yeah, I guess we do." Mayl responded.

"Well, what are we gonna do?"

"I know," Lan got in the middle of the group of students, "everybody, let's wonder around Netopia doing absolutely whatever we want to, when we want to, how we want to! Whaddya say guys?"

There was silence. Lan looked around. Everyone had already walked away and was exploring the wondrous sights of Netopia. "Damn young whipper snappers! No respect for their elders." And with that Lan got his cane out and called his Seeing Eye dog Lucky, and slowly started to follow the direction that Dex and Mayl walked to. (Just kidding!)

"So, guys, where are we going now?"

"I figured me and Dex would get acquainted with all the friendly people here. Right Dex?"

"Yeah, everybody here seems really cool."

"I guess," Lan looked around, "yeah, y'know what, you guys are right. I mean, everything about these people seems friendly, their faces, their clothes, in fact, everything about these people is just-" as Lan was about to finish his sentence he bumped into this man.

He was a tall African American male with muscular body. His hair was cut into a Mohawk and he wore skull earrings, a leather jacket with the sleeves ripped off, and jet black jeans and boots.

Lan looked up at the man and stammered, "Um-um-m s-s-sir, I-I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-ssorry that I-I-I-I-just ran into you l-l-like that. It was an accident." Lan started to turn pale as the man gave him a menacing stare.

"Whatchu talkin' bout foo! Speak up! I can't hear you wit all dat stammerin' you doin' over dere!"

"Sir, I'm r-r-r-really s-s-sorry for," Megaman cut in, "Lan there is no need for apologies, let me handle this." "O-o-okay Megaman." Lan took his P.E.T out of his pocket and held it up to the man so he and Megaman were face to digitally generated face.

"Sir, the words that just came out of your mouth absolutely horrified me. In all my years of correcting grammar, I have never heard of such an appalling sentence. Ever. I believe, from what little words that I could make out, that you were saying, 'whatchu talkin' bout foo' when you should've said, what are you talking about, fool. You're probably the only single individual, I've ever met to form an entire sentence that is completely and totally, grammatically incorrect. Should you feel proud? No. If I were you good sir, I'd be ashamed and another thing-"

The man stopped Megaman's speech, "What da hell makes you tink I give a damn whatchu say blue boy! Come ere for a second. Get closer." As Lan held Megaman's face closer to the man's face, he spit on the P.E.T screen.

"My lord sir! That is disgusting! Do you know how much bacteria is in a single drop of your spit?"

The man started laughing. "Hahaha! Is little blue ass mad at me? Well, whatchu gonna do blue? Are you gonna, knock da shit outta me?" The man continued to laugh as he started to walk away.

A drop of black liquid came out from the P.E.T and landed on the man's neck. He turned around. "Aahh it burns! Blue ass! Did you jus' spit on me?"

"Damn straight." Megaman said in a sudden change of personality. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Gonna kick yo lil' blue ass, thas' what I gonna do bout it!"

"Run Lan!" Lan, with Megaman in hand, ran away, followed by Mayl and Dex. They ran down the street and into a crowd of people.

"You think we lost him?" Dex asked.

"Yeah. I think so." Lan looked for him. "Yeah, he's gone." The group got out of the crowd of people and continued to walk.

"Wow Megaman, I didn't know you could spit." Lan said.

"I can't, that was old battery acid that I had in the P.E.T for such an occasion. You know, whenever I have to spit on a niga!" Megaman started laughing. Lan stared at him sternly.

"Megaman, racism is not funny. Racial slurs, like the one you said right now, only pollute our society and ultimately lead to a universal barrier between all of our races of people. It's because of Net Navis like you that our world is so full of hatred."

"Gee, I'm sorry Lan, I didn't know. By the way, that was really wise, what you said right now, how did you gain that kind of wisdom in such a short amount of time?"

"Well, actually, I pretty much read the whole thing off that McDonalds' Billboard over there about why you should eat their dark meat chicken selects just as much as there white meat chicken selects."

"Oh…"

As Lan walked up with his friends he street he saw his dad. "Oh, hi dad. What are you doing here?"

"Hello Lan, I'm just here… on… a…uh… business trip."

"Oh. How come you didn't tell mom?"

"Well, you see… I was just..."

Suddenly a brown haired woman with a skimpy red dress jumped on Mr. Hikari's back.

"Oh doctor! I've had such a fun time with you! Hey who's this?"

"Dad…" Lan had a confused expression on his face.

"Oh uh… Lan, I can explain, you see, this is a colleague of mine Ms.-" the woman cut Mr. Hikari off, "What are you talkin' about, you're my boyfriend!"

Lan and Megaman gasped.

Megaman was in complete shock, "Mr. Hikari, if Mrs. Hikari knew… I must tell her at once!"

"No! Um, say Lan… I made something for your P.E.T!"

"Oh, really, what is it dad?"

Mr. Hikari pulled out a cheap paper bag, "It's a P.E.T carrying case. It can protect your P.E.T from getting smashed by a speeding car in the middle of traffic. Here, allow me to demonstrate!"

Mr. Hikari snatched the device from Lan's hand, stuffed it into the paper bag, and threw it in the middle of ongoing traffic. It only took a second for a car to rush by and run over the P.E.T.

The tiny device made a large crunch sound and all of its parts started to fly out of the paper bag.

Lan gasped, "Oh my god! They killed Megaman!" Dex added, "You bastards!"

Lan's dad started to speak in a very quick manner, "Well whaddya know. My case didn't work, what a shame. Well, Lan, perhaps, I'll make you a new Megaman later, well gotta go!" Mr. Hikari ran way with his Mistress off into the distance. Lan broke down in tears.

* * *

(Well, maybe just one South Park parody but that's it. Not much to say about this chapter so time to respond to reviews. 

**Saddened Soul**- Yeah, I saw final destination, and yes Dark Link, death is now going to stalk Chaud. FOREVA!

**Xahn**- Yes, kinda. Anyways You most certainly will see more AOC, so expect it when you least expect it.

**Blue Phoenix**- Survivor and fear factor…hm… interesting… I'll see what I can do…


	6. The Road To Non Suicidalness

(Okaaay, obviously killing off Megaman did not settle well with most of my reviewers so time to make things right…)

**Chapter 6**

_Mr. Hikari stuffed Megaman into a paper bag and threw him onto the street. Shortly after, a car came and ran over the Net Navi, ending his life, as well as almost ending the life of another…_

It had been five years since Megaman died, or actually five hours, and a feeble young boy sat in his hotel room, crying…

"Why Megaman! Why! Oh! It didn't have to be this way! Everything… it's pointless… I have no reason to live anymore…" Lan took out a gun and pointed it to his head.

"Megaman! I'm coming to be with you… you were so innocent… you didn't deserve it… maybe now… I'll finally be with you in heaven… where we won't have to worry about black guys that want to hurt us, net mafias, and dad cheating on mom…"

Lan had his finger on the trigger and was about to press down on it, when suddenly; there was a knock on the door.

Mayl called out from the other side of the door, "Lan, are you okay?"

"Go away!"

"Lan, it's me Mayl. Dex and Yai are here too."

"All of you go somewhere else! I have a gun and I'm going to shoot myself!"

Yai looked at Mayl bewilderedly. "How on Earth did he get a gun?"

"I put it in his hotel room for his convenience." The group turned around to see a hotel steward standing right behind them.

Yai walked up to the steward and grabbed him by the cuffs of his shirt. "What the hell were you thinking giving a gun to a suicidal person!"

The man said innocently, "It seemed like a good idea at the time." After that statement a loud bang came from Lan's hotel room.

"Oh my gosh! Lan!" Mayl barged into the room followed by Yai and Dex. They found Lan sitting on his bed crying.

"Dammit! I missed!" The boy sobbed even more.

"Oh Lan…" Dex ran over to Lan's side and gave him a hug.

"Lan killing yourself won't solve anything. You've got to learn that there was more to your life then Megaman."

Lan cried even more. "But Mayl, Megaman, was all that I really had. He was my best friend, he was my teacher, my study buddy, and he was the only one who would ever do my homework for me. Without Megaman, I'm nothing… just an empty shell."

"Lan… I'm sorry… hey, maybe tomorrow we can get you a new Megaman."

Lan's eyes brightened up. "Really?"

"Yes, tomorrow will go to Navis-R-Us and buy you Megaman. But you better go to sleep now."

"Wow! Navis-R-Us! Yay!" Lan turned off his light quickly and fell asleep.

Mayl, and Yai walked out of the room (Dex stayed inside the room with Lan, as he was hoping to get a little more than a hug from him...).

The following day Lan sauntered down the Netopian streets merrily with his friends over to Navis-R-Us.

"So Lan, you already know which Navi what you want, right?"

"Yeah! I want the blue one!" Our bandana wearing hero was pumped with excitement ashe entered the magnificent building.

Mayl replied, "Good, I don't want you to take forever looking at the Navis like you did last time I took you shopping."

"Man, I haven't been here in ages." Dex marveled at the stacks of shelves full of marvelous Navi programs (Keep in mind readers, Navis and P.E.Ts are two separate things.).

"Here Lan, why don't you go look for a Megaman EXE on the shelves somewhere over there."

"Alright!" Lan grinned joyfully and walked over to a shelf full of different Navi software.

"Mayl, what are you thinking? You know as well as I do that they don't sell Megaman at Navis-R-Us."

"Of course Yai. But you know what they do sell at this store?"

"What?"

"Normal blue navis. And as long as we buy a blue P.E.T to go along with it, Lan will never know the difference."

"I don't know Mayl. I think Lan is smart enough to realize the difference between a blue navi and Megaman." Dex commented.

Mayl, Yai, and Dex looked over at Lan who was busy sniffing a magic marker and picking his nose.

"I rest my case." Mayl walked over to the front counter where a sales clerk was standing examining a magazine.

"Hello sir."

"Umm Hi." The clerk said in a nasally voice.

"I was wondering, do you have any blue navis?"

The clerk looked at his magazine and then stared back at Mayl. "Wow, you look just like the girl in this magazine, except the girl in here has bigger… uh yeah, so you were wondering if we had any blue navis?"

"Uh-huh."

"Let me check." The clerk rummaged through a shelf full of boxes. "We have Blue Man, Indigo Man, Turquoise Man, Cerulean Man, Normal Blue Navi, and Cheap Fake Imitation of Megaman Man, and… that's about it."

"Okay, let me think on those choices."

Mayl turned to Dex and Yai. "What do you think Dex?"

"I say go with Blue Man, I mean after all you did ask for a blue navi."

"Yai?"

"I say go with Cheap Fake Imitation of Megaman Man, I mean, isn't that the obvious choice?"

Mayl thought carefully. "Well I say go with Normal Blue Navi, because, that's what we came here to get initially. Now that we have these choices let's sort out the facts for a second here… Blue Man has one vote, Cheap Fake Imitation Of Megaman Man has one vote, and Normal Blue Navi has one vote. Now all we need is a tiebreaker. Oh Lan…"

Lan put the magic marker down and turned to Mayl, "Yeah?"

"If we were going to fool you by buying you a navi that you thought was Megaman but really wasn't, which navi would you rather be fooled by, hypothetically speaking. Blue Man, Normal Blue Navi, or Cheap Fake Imitation of Megaman Man?"

"Well, I'd prefer Cheap Fake Imitation of Megaman Man, hypothetically speaking of course."

"Thanks Lan."

"Don't mention it." Lan went back to sniffing his magic marker.

So, Mayl bought Lan a fake Megaman, which, of course, Lan thought was the real Megaman, and order was restored.

(Well, of course order is not restored, but I don't feel like writing anymore so I'm going to cut this chapter short. Next chapter I'll go ahead and bring Megaman back, unless I want to make another Adventures of Chaud… but really it's all up to me… I mean, it's not like any of you have a choice in what I decide to post up and what I don't… well, as always, time to respond to reviews, and this time, I have two times more than usual!)

**Ri2- **I think it's the third time, but my friend Soul would know, Soul, how many times has Megaman died? 3? 4? 5,000?

**Blue Phoenix- **Of course I'm going to bring him back, it's just a matter of how I choose to do it…

**Saddened Soul**- Yup, no more grammar corrections, for now… and btw, I spelled 'fool' correctly, what are you talking about? A-hole...  
**Dark Link- **Well, think about it, Lan's dad always goes on so many business trips, how can you not be suspicious?  
**Kratos- **Well same to you! ………  
**Kalas- **What a shame indeed.

**NotJim- **Yes, I will definitely keep it up with the randomness, it seems to be working for me.

**Cooper Russel**- Thanx, by the way, I like your Fable fan fiction, although I doubt you're still reading to see that comment. 

**Xahn- **Wow, right again, Lan's world IS falling apart, and just wait till he finds out he has a fake Megaman…

**Pavo**- Umm… I don't really hate Mayl that much but… we'll see… yes, we'll see… 


	7. Church of the Dark

(Yes, I am aware that the last chapter kinda sucked, and although none of you said it, you all were hinting it, so hopefully this will redeem myself. Well, actually, this time I'm going to give credit to Saddened Soul for practically writing this chapter for me thanks, I owe you… although I'm not exactly going to do anything for you…)

* * *

**Chapter 7**

After going to Navis-R-Us, Lan and company decided to go eat at the local Denny's for breakfast. They took a seat in the one of the booths where a waitress came and took their orders.

"Okay, asses, my names Rhonda and I'll be your serva for today. Whaddya wanna to drink?"

"Umm," Mayl spoke timidly, "I'd like some orange juice."

"I'll take chocolate milk." Dex said casually.

Yai spoke, "I'll have coffee."

"Would you like some crème with that?"

"Umm, no I'll have it black, thank you very much."

"I'll just take milk." Lan looked at Megaman for a moment.

"Okay, would any of you hoes like start off with some breakfast appetizas?"

"No thank you ma'am." Mayl said properly.

The waitress walked off leaving the group of friends to talk amongst themselves.

"So, Lan, how is Megaman doing?"

"I don't know Mayl, something's not right about him… He hasn't seemed like himself."

"Umm yeah, forget about that Lan and find something to eat from the menu."

"Okay… hmm this Rootie Tootie seems pretty good."

Dex scanned through the menu. "I'm thinking of the Slam Dunkin' Waffles."

Yai stared at the menu, "I guess I'll take the Razzle Dazzle. Whatever that is."

Mayl gasped. "No, no, no! Haven't you guys ever ordered food from a Denny's before? Hear, let me tell all of you the right way to order food here."

The group closed in and started talking quietly and quickly.

"Okay, shh, shh, guys here she comes."

"Okay, here's ya'lls drinks. Whaddo ya sluts wanna eat?"

Lan spoke, "I'll take the Rootie my Tootie for da Bootie special."

"Would you like some extra Rootie with that?"

"No, I'm allergic."

"Okaaays, and for you hobbit?" The waitress turned to Yai.

"I'll take the Razzle my Dazzle to the Frazzle with some Shazzle on my Nazzle."

"And for the fat cow?"

Dex growled. "I'll take the Slam Dunk with a bit of pig's blood syrup for the waffles."

"And for this anorexic tramp?"

Mayl looked at her for a second, "Nothing ma'am, thank you."

The waitress walked off in a huff.

Lan spoke suddenly, "Mayl, Megaman hasn't said a word since we got him."

"Well, maybe you should talk to him Lan."

"Yeah, you're right. Hello Megaman."

The cheap fake imitation Megaman stayed silent for a moment then spoke, "I'm sorry, I didn't know if you were coo, but hey you're ahh right. My names Chea-" Mayl cut him off, "His name is Megaman and he's the exact same Megaman that you've known your whole life."

Lan stared at Mayl then back at the fake navi, "Megaman… why did you just use bad grammar right now?"

"What's wrong with bad grammar Lan. Bad grammar is great. Bad grammar is fun. In fact I say the badder grammar is, the funner it is. LOL! Hahaha, I luv bad grammer, bad grammer rox." Megaman continued to talk faster and faster about the joys of bad grammar till finally, he exploded.

"What the!" Lan gasped as his cheap blue PET turned into mush. "What is this? This isn't my Megaman!" Lan turned to Dex. "What have you guys done to Megaman?" Tears started to come from Lan's eyes.

"I'm sorry Lan, please don't cry. It was all Mayl's idea. She's the one who bought the fake Megaman. It's all her fault, she's an evil, evil, wicked woman!"

Lan glared at Mayl for a moment and then he began to turn red. "You little bitch!" Lan took out a blender that he had stolen from a store in the plaza and tried to attack Mayl with it. Yai snatched it out of his hand.

"Lan stop it! Killing Mayl won't bring Megaman back, it will make you feel better but it won't bring him back. But I do however, know one way." Yai brought out the paper bag that contained Lan's smashed PET.

"In here is a damaged navi chip with a strand of Megaman's data. There is a ritual I know of that may bring Megaman's soul back among with us, but to do it, we're going to have to go to this place…"

"I don't care, just anything to bring back my Megaman, anything for Hub."

_So Yai told Lan about a church that performed revival rituals for people who have lost loved ones. But the church of course, was not an easy place to get to. Our heroes had to go onto Yai's jet which was conveniently parked outside of Denny's. They went across the seven seas till they finally reached an uninhabited island, an island where such rituals were performed, as well as other rituals of a different sort…_

"C'mon guys, the church is just up this hill!" The group of friends followed Yai up the hill to the church, which they had long sought to get to.

"I don't know Yai, are you sure this is a nice church?" Dex looked up at the church which was painted in pure black. In front of the church was a blood red cross turned upside down.

Lan spoke, "It looks a bit weird, but hey, if this church is going to bring Megaman back then it's alright in my book." And with that the group entered the front doors of the holy sanctum.

The interior of the church was, painted in a dark red, with purple lighting fixtures that shown a black light. At the end of this church was a single black altar. Lan and company walked up to a man wearing a black cloak.

There was a small silence as the group looked at the menacing figure. Lan was the first to speak, "H-h-hello sir. I was just wondering if you could-" the cloaked man interrupted Lan, "Put him on the altar."

* * *

(Well, yet again another craptacular chapter (I'm not feeling very funny today). I'm going to go ahead and postpone the resurecction for next chapter. Why? Because I'm an ass. That and I just want to keep all of you reading by dividing the exciting parts from the boring parts. But enough of my stupid rambling, ya'll know what time it is. 

**Saddened Soul- **Yeah, damn right I didn't misspell 'fool'.  
**Kratos- **Say something Dammit!

**Dr. Weird- **Yeah, you're back! Anyways, I'll fit in Soul Unison after Megaman is ressurected.

**MegamanX2223-** I am happy to report that Lan is still a virgin... I think... well, as a fist time reviewer I'll go ahead and give you my complimentary, thanks for reviewing.

**Blue Phoenix- **I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, BTW, did I tell you I suck at running? Well anyways you, along with the rest of the reviewers, can already see where this is going...

**Ri2- **No offense taken, although it's nice to know how you really feel... nah, just kiddin', anyways,  
I don't think Lan's going to be happy for long.

**Xahn-** Yep, I have big ideas for next chapter, just none I cam share with you right now...

**NotJim- **One resurrection comin' up, but it's probably not considered random anymore... seeing as everybody can draw their own conclusions about what's coming up.


	8. The Organization

(Well after much discouragement, I'm deciding to update again… I'll go ahead and once more thank Saddened Soul for giving me the basic outline of this chapter, thanks!)

**Chapter 8**

"Bringing your Navi back is not going to be easy… there is going to be a long and grueling road of tasks ahead to bring him back; are you ready?"

Lan looked at the hooded man confidently. "Yes sir, I am ready."

"Yesss… good… good… very good. First I'm going to have to ask you a series of questions."

"Umm alright."

The hooded man, along with his fellow hooded minions gathered around Lan and company in a circle.

The man asked the first question, "Are you gay?"

"No."

"Are you gay?"

"No."

"Are you gay?"

"No."

"Are you a homo sexual?"

"No."

Are you a homo sexual?"

"No."

Are you a hetero sexual?"

"No… err… I mean yes!"

The hooded men started giggling like little girls.

"Are you a good kisser?"

"Umm, I've never really thought about that…. why don't you go ask your mom?"

"Oooh major diss!" The hooded men chanted around the room.

The hooded man growled as he asked Lan the next question, "If you were a tree what tree would you be?"

"Umm, I'd say an oak tree. Y'know, strong, powerful, and majestic. That kind of thing."

"Who do you have a crush on?"

Lan looked at Mayl for a second then turned back to the hooded man. "Umm, no one."

"If you became famous, what would you like to become famous for?"

Lan went up to the man and whispered something in his ear.

"Oooh yes, you're right, that is kind of skanky. But hey, lots of people go on the Internet to see that kind of stuff. Anyways you have passed the first trial."

"Yes! So what do I have to do next?"

"Okay Lan here is your next challenge. Bring it out boys."

The hooded men brought out a huge tub of cocaine. "Your next challenge is to snort all of this crack cocaine within one minute. If you fail to do this stunt you will be eliminated. If you refuse to do this you will also be eliminated. Are you ready?"

"Yeah!" Lan looked at the cocaine eagerly.

" Your time starts… NOW!"

Lan put one finger over his left nostril and bent over the tub; he immediately began to inhale the white powder quickly, fifty seconds passed.

"Okay your time ends in One-Two-" Lan cut him off, "finished!"

"Well Lan, obviously fear is not a factor for you."

"Wait a sec, I've heard that voice before." Lan brought the hooded man's cloak down only to reveal the person he had suspected all along. "Joe Rogan! What are you doing here in this day and age?"

"Okay. I admit it! Maybe I didn't want to die thousands of years ago. So I sold my soul to the dark lord, and I've been living ever since."

Lan's eyes widened. "Yeah, okay, that's nice but now what do I have to do to bring Megaman back?"

"Okay Lan walk over to the alter."

Our bandana-wearing hero (who now had an extremely white nose) walked over to the front of the altar. Joe walked up beside him and brought out a rusty jagged dagger.

"To bring him back, your blood must be spilled over the PET. This is your final task. Are you ready?"

Lan gulped. "Umm, just exactly where are you going to extract the blood from Joe?"

The man solemnly pointed to Lan's pants.

"Okay f—k this shit! I like Megaman but I don't like him that much. C'mon guys let's go!"

Joe Rogan laughed sinisterly, "That was just a joke! I wanted to see how much you really love Megaman."

"Well, y'know what they say Joe…" Lan got out a microphone and started to sing into it, "I would do anything for love… but I won't do that!"

"Uh, yeah, well… we're going to extract the blood from your pinky."

"Alright." Lan handed over his little finger to Joe. He brought the knife to Lan's pinky and swiftly cut through it.

Lan screamed bloody murder, "AAAAAAAHHHHH! THE PAIN, IT BURNS! MOTHA FU-"

Joe Rogan called out, "Can somebody get this guy a band aid?"

The hooded minions went over to Lan and wrapped a band-aid (with pictures of The Flinstones on it) around Lan's pinky.

"How does it feel?" Joe questioned.

"It still kinda stings."

"Well, for being a strong little trooper, here's a lolly pop."

He handed Lan the heart shaped treat, which Lan quickly took and began to suck on. "Mmm cherry!"

Mayl stepped forward. "Okay Mr. Rogan you made Lan do all of these stupid stunts, so where's Megaman?"

Joe Rogan's eyes started to turn red. "Oh believe me… He's coming!" The disturbed Fear Factor host started to laugh manically.

The church turned pitch black and the only light source coming from the altar, which was now glowing blood red. Suddenly a black stream of lightning came from the ceiling of the church and hit the PET.

"Megaman!" Lan ran over to the altar to retrieve his PET; he picked it up and was amazed to find it as good as new. The screen flashed on to reveal Megaman's face.

Lan was overjoyed. "Megaman it's really you! You're back!"

Megaman looked around. "Huh, where am I? Lan… what happened?"

Lan grinned. "Megaman, don't worry. Everything's going to be all right. C'mon Mayl, Dex, Yai, let's go."

He started to walk towards the exit (with Megaman in hand) with his friends. "Thanks Joe, we'll never forget you!"

Joe Rogan raised his hand up and all the exits closed shut.

Lan turned around, "What trickery is this?"

Joe continued to laugh. "Did you fools honestly think it would be this easy to leave the Church of the Dark? You mortals disgust me. I suppose that's why you deserve to die here, just like we did thousands of years ago! My minions! Attack!" The cloaked men brought down there hoods to reveal skeletal zombie faces. Each of them was armed with thick long swords and maces; they circled Lan and company slowly.

Dex spoke softly, "Guys… what are we gonna do now?"

Megaman spoke suddenly, "Dex, was that grammar really necessary?"

Yai brought out a metal suit case and set it down on the floor. "I have our solution right here." She opened it to reveal two Uzi's, one handgun, one AK-47, and a revolver. "Take your pick."

Lan grabbed the revolver, Mayl took the shotgun, Dex took the AK-47, and Yai took the two Uzi's, and with that the fight for their life was about to begin.

"Die you zombie douche bags!" Dex started to fire his assault rifle back in forth as zombie heads littered the ground.

"For mother Russia!" Lan fired his revolver at a zombie minion.

"Umm… die." Mayl casually fired her shotgun and blowing off a zombie from his torso.

Yai did back flips back in forth between zombies and fired her dual Uzi's as if she'd been trained to do so her whole life. But no matter how much they tried, the hooded minions of kept coming for them.

"Guys I'm almost out of ammo!" Lan called out.

Dex screamed out, "Me too! They're closing in on me!"

"Uh, I'm out of ammo!" Mayl snatched Dex's AK-47 out of his hand and threw it at a zombie that was about to attack her.

"Hey! Why did you throw away my gun?"

"Well I didn't want to throw mine!" Mayl replied.

"That's it guys these zombies are endless! Which is why I'm going right for the source!" Lan looked at Joe Rogan who was obviously controlling the zombies and with his last bullet he fired. The bullet zoomed right past Joe and hit a tank of gasoline that was right behind him. The whole world seemed to go in slow motion. Lan and his friends saw the gasoline tank slowly start to light up and they ran for the exit. A wall of fire built up behind them; they ran outside and the church exploded!

Bits of debris and zombie body parts fell from the sky. "Whew! That was a close one!" Lan clutched his chest in relief. "Well, now that I have you back Megaman let's see if you can still fight. Hey Dex, wanna net battle?"

"Sure."

"Okay, battle routine set, execute!"

Megaman and Gutsman were transported to a battle arena of eighteen tiles.

"Die you fat bastard!" Megaman immediately took out a dark sword chip and sliced off Gutsman's head in a flash of blood and gore. The battle ended in a second earning Lan a Gutsman Version X chip.

Dex cried out in anguish, "Dude! You just fu—ing killed Gutsman!"

"I simply put him out of his misery fool!" The voice came from Lan's PET.

The device grew a dark aura around it and flew out of Lan's hand. The extension cable held up a blank battle chip and sucked up Dex's soul into it; his limp body fell to the ground.

"What the!" Lan was shocked as the PET flew off into the distance.

"We got to follow that PET! That is most certainly not my Megaman anymore!" Lan, Mayl, and Yai (who carried Dex's body) went inside the jet and gave chase.

They followed Megaman all the way back to Netopia. "Where do you think he's going Yai?" Lan inquired.

"It looks like he's heading for the global network! Pilot stop right here!" Yai's personal pilot stopped the jet in mid-air.

"Mayl, Lan can't go after Megaman, so you're going to have to. You can jack into the Global Network from here in the jet."

"Alright. Roll, jack in!"

Roll Exe found herself in the cyber world that was the Global Network. A path of mutilated navi bodies lay before her. "How terrible!" Roll continued to walk up the path where she found dark soul Megaman at the end standing there surrounded by torn up bodies.

"Please Mega! Stop this; it isn't you, you're not like this!"

Digital tears slowly started to fall from Megaman's face. Roll smiled in relief. "Oh Mega." She walked up to him to give him a hug. Megaman suddenly whipped out his buster and shot her down. "Oh what fun it is to screw with you people!"

Lan was horrified. Yai started to laugh. "Hahaha! The first stage of the plan is complete!" Yai ripped off her face only to reveal the exact same face.

Lan gasped. "Who are you and what have you done with Yai?" Mayl rolled her eyes and pondered about Lan's stupidity.

"Hahaha, fool! My name is Yaito! I work for a secret organization called 4Kids!"

"4Kids… Hey wait a sec, you're the ones that jack up all the good anime shows that come from Japan and get shipped to America, aren't you? You're the reason that Pokemon is so damn crappy!"

"Umm, yeah we use to do that but now we pretty much just want to take over the world, which is what we were going to do originally but never quite got the funds to do it. But anyways, you helped me accomplish my first task Lan, I owe you my thanks." Yaito started to laugh once more.

"You ass!" Lan pounced on the Yai-look-alike and started to punch her in the face.

Mayl pulled Lan off Yaito (who she still thought was Yai). "Stop it Lan!"

Yaito spit out blood, "The real Yai was kidnapped inside Hotel Del Netopia shortly after she got admitted into it. Haha, when that fool Mr. S. tried to grab me I called security to take him away. You see, Mr. Shitty knew a lot more then you think. He was working for the FBI to guard Yai and make sure that I did not take her place! He knew that a 4kids agent was aiming to take the place of one of his students to accomplish a certain mission…haha… yes, well that is all for now, it's been fun. But I must be going!" Yaito touched a device on her wrist and disappeared right before there very eyes.

"What are we going to do now?" Lan asked desperately.

Mayl paused for a moment. "Wait a second, we're not alone in here are we?" Mayl walked up to the pilot's seat. There was a man sitting there with a black mask covering his face. He got up slowly and turned to face Mayl.

" I understand that you would need this." The man handed Mayl the battle chip that contained Dex's soul.

"Actually that's the last thing I want right now." Mayl grabbed the chip and threw it to Lan.

"I'm not with them… I'm neither friend nor enemy; just think of me as a mysterious cool guy. And here take this." Lan's PET materialized in the air and fell into his hands. "If you give him a program called Anti-DS he should heal. But there's only one company that makes that program."

"Tell me, who?"

"4Kids."

(Well, that was a dandy (okay yes, kinda stupid) chapter wasn't it? Anyways, it's Review Respondin' Time!

**Megaman X2223**- What, you mean the Snoop Dog language? Sorry, I'll tone it down on that. Chaud''s next adventure should be next chapter or the chapter afterwards I think…

**Blue Phoenix- **Thanks for the inspirational message, it was beautiful, really. And I don't know of this chapter satisfied your hunger for evil but hey, it had Joe Rogan in it.

**Ri2-**I suppose this chapter answered all of your questions.

**Saddened Soul- **I just want to say thanks again, the ideas you gave me helped this chapter become ten times crappier then it could've been.

**NotJim- **I'm pretty sure this chapter was long enough, right?

**Masamune- **Wow, thanks!

**Xahn- **I got a review alert from you just now. Man, are you late! Well, whaddya think!


	9. The Adventures of Chaud Part 2

(Well, here's another installment of The Adventures of Chaud. Sorry for the long wait, I have been very busy lately…)

**The Adventures of Chaud (Part 2)**

Chaud walked into the main doors of the NAXA space station calmly and looked around. It apparently had changed since he last saw it, pictures of bunnies lined the walls, the interior were changed from chrome to pink and a big portrait of an unusually looking feminine man was in the middle of the room (hanging from the ceiling).

Chaud continued through the room and over to the reception desk, where he confronted a man smoking a cigarette. He looked around once more. "Uh, what happened?"

The man spoke with a strong southern accent, "New management. So, you're this Chaud I hear that's going into space. You're some sorta scientist or somethin', right?"

"Um no, I'm going to be the first official netbattler to go into space!" Said the boy proudly.

"Yeah, I don't give a shit. So, I guess you better go to the back room there and suit up."

"Alright." Chaud began to walk towards the stairs to get his space suit only to find this man running towards him with a medium sized tank of gasoline (rocket fuel).

The man yelled out, "Joe! Joe! I got the gas Joe!" The strange and quite obviously disturbed man bumped into Chaud and spilled the gasoline all over him.

The guy from the reception desk got out from his seat and ran up to the other man; he had an exasperated look planted on his face. "Frank! How many times have I told you not to run around the station with a tank of rocket fuel and randomly spill it over some stupid ass person who couldn't find enough time to move out of the way?"

"Well gee wiz Joe, I think I forgot about that!"

"Damn right you did!" Frank casually lit a match to light up a new cigarette.

Chaud, who was standing right next to him, began to hear the voice of the mysterious old man from before. _Death is after you Eugene Chaud, it wants you! _Chaud shivered and quickly blew out the match.

"Hey you prick, what the hell did you do that for?"

"For my life sir. I did it for my life. Something you obviously won't have very soon. Please, don't smoke, it will only lead to pain." And with that the smoke conscious boy calmly walked to the back room to suit up.

Hours later Chaud found himself in the hallway leading to the space ship; he was accompanied by a very tense looking man and a chimpanzee, who, from what Chaud heard, was there for space experience. He turned to the man, "So, are we gonna leave yet or not?"

The man had a very big red moustache symbolizing his pure stupidity; he replied, "Hold your horses young one…" A look of thought suddenly spread on the man's face, "say you're the one right?"

"Yeah, I'm here to see how deep the rabbit hole goes." Chaud said coolly, grinning at his own stupid Matrix joke.

"Kid, have you been lookin' at thos' weird websites or something? Because you sure as hell ain't goin' to find any holes here."

"Um, yeah. So are we going on the ship yet?"

"Yes, any minute now. Anyways, as I was sayin', you're the little snot nosed kid that collected the one million cereal box tops to win the free trip to space, right?"

Chaud's face turned red from embarrassment as he spoke, "Look, the only reason I'm here is because I'm on Official Netbattler business, nothing more." He quickly kicked his huge sack of cereal box tops in his behind him.

"Well sorry." The man, the monkey (who was picking his nose), and Chaud waited in the hallway for a couple more minutes till a voice came from the intercom above them, "Attention all you Space FAGs, report to the ship immediately for take off."

"Why the hell did that guy just call us Space Fags?"

"It's an acronym Son. It means space Frontier Abuse Gymnosophist."

"What's a gymnos' a whatsit?"

"Look it up in the dictionary later kid we're takin' off."

The group of space FAGs walked on to the rocket where they immediately went to the control room. Buttons of all colors lined the walls, chrome plating was everywhere, and in the middle of the setting, were two single chairs, where a complex control panel was placed right in front of them.

"Okay kid, I guess I forgot to mention my name. I'm Bitts and my furry companion is called Bozoe. We'll be the ones piloting the ship to a destination where you can explore the miraculous universe. While I start preparing for take off Bozoe here will show you to your quarters."

Chaud looked down at the monkey who was smiling at him whilst holding up his middle finger and waving it around wildly. "Umm, Bitts, can you please tell the monkey here to put down his bad finger. I find it somewhat offensive."

"Oh c'mon Son. Call him by his name. You should have respect for beings that have a far more superior intellect then you."

"Okay, stop calling me son! My name is not son! Oh and that chimp is picking his friggin' nose! What do you mean superior intellect!"

Bitts paused for a moment. "Oh, you mean you're not Son Sunsun? He's the guy that won this contest."

"No. I'm Eugene Chaud. Son met an… unfortunate… shall we say accident." Chaud smiled as he could almost hear the faint screams of Son before he met his horrible end. "Well I'll go ahead and be going to my room now. Come Bozoe."

The chimpanzee grabbed Chaud's hand and led him out of the control room and to his room. Chaud's living quarters resembled a hoboes' living quarters; there was a floor, a sleeping bag made out of an unknown material, and a broken mirror, and everything was in chrome (as usual).

"Wow. I can totally live here for a year." Chaud said unenthusiastically. He slowly dropped on the floor (which was supposed to be his bed) and closed his eyes for a second thinking about the mistake he had made in coming to the horrid trip.

Bozoe made some stupid monkey sounds such as 'Oooh' and 'Aaah' and then quickly left the room. Chaud got up and closed the door behind him (or her, nobody was quite sure as to what Bozoe's sexuality was, seeing as his private parts were covered in thick mats of hair).

The boy giggled slightly and took out a book. "God, I've always wanted to do this." He took out a pen and began writing. He wrote in his book for hours (most likely thinking of what to write) and then finally read over it.

_Space Adventure Day 1 _

_I sit here in my room thinking about all the wonderful things I'll get to experience here. There's so much to do around this ship, so much to see, and guess what? I get to eat space food. Yay! I can't help but feel excited as I sit here writing my first journal entry. (Which I'll eventually sell to some stupid news company for millions of zenny.) I can't help but feel a bit weird around my fellow shipmates though. Bitts seems nice, but I can't help but wonder if he's competent enough to pilot the ship, I mean, for God's sakes, his only co pilot is a damn monkey! Which oddly enough, disturbs me. I don't really… trust him, the monkey I mean. His hunched back and weird style of walking (not to mention his hairy feet) make me feel very uncomfortable around him. The way he smiles at me… the only one who's ever smiled at me like that was… him… I honestly think that it's him. I have no proof though. But getting away from that topic, I'm very sure I'm going to have an awesome time in this ship and my adventures and experiences in space will probably be some of the best I've ever had. But only time will tell._

"Eugene! Supper time!"

"Alright, I'm comin'!" Chaud quickly closed the book and hid it in his sleeping bag.

The dining room was very much covered with boxes full of tubes, and only a single table with three chairs lay in the middle. Bitts and Bozoe occupied the first two chairs leaving one open seat for Chaud.

"So, what are we having today?"

"Well as you know Eugene, NAXA only gives us the most nutritional meals to eat. They serve them to us in these little tubes, which come in many different flavors. Here try this."

Chaud took the tube of space food and squirted some in his mouth. "Hmm, weird exotic taste, kinda choclatey. What is it?"

Bitts smiled widely. "Take a look for yourself."

Chaud looked at the tube and the neatly written letters on it. His eyes widened as he read what they spelled. "Essence of Chimpanzee Crap? ARGHH!" Chaud immediately tried to make himself throw up.

"Whoah! Hold it son! Barfin' out chunks is not good for your digestive system!"

"If super models can do it, so can I!" Chaud ran quickly towards the bathroom.

Bitts burst out laughing and high-fived Bozoe. "Man Bozoe, you are hilarious! That was a great prank. You better go to the bathroom and make more of those!"

Bitts laughed some more and squirted out the last of his tube's contents into his mouth. "Well that was a nice meal. Hey what was this anyways?" The man looked at the label and gasped in horror. "Essence of Chimpanzee Crap! Bozoe you little... Aaah, never mind, you know I can never stay mad at you for too long." The chimp smiled at Bitts and hugged him.

"Yes I love you too Bozoe. Now go ahead and finish your meal."

Bozoe squirted out the last bit of his tube in his mouth.

"Wow Bozoe, you sure like that tube. What was it?" Bitts picked it up and looked at the label. "Human flesh and blood… wow, what will NAXA think of next?" Bozoe smiled and made even more ridiculous chimp sounds. "Oooh, ahhh, ahh!"

The next day Chaud walked in the control room where Bitts stood there in the middle while Bozoe was piloting the ship.

"You wanted to see me sir?"

"Why as a matter of fact I do. I have word from NAXA that your parents did not sign the permission form for this trip. If they don't we're going to have to boot you off."

"Oh c'mon! I'm here on Official Netbattler bussiness, remember?"

"Yes, well, I'm really tired of playing along with your stupid childish game. If you don't get someone back on home to sign the form then we're going to eject you out of this ship in a very uncomfortable pod that will land in a desolate remote part of the Earth. You got that?"

Chaud gulped. "Uh huh." He quickly ran to his room and picked up the book and continued to write.

_Space Adventure Day 2_

_Last night I had the hardest time sleeping. For one thing I still had the taste of chimp crap in my mouth and second I felt like I was being watched. And then I realized that there was a security camera in my room. It felt good to know that somebody was watching me as I slept just to make sure I was safe, but then I wondered. Why would somebody be watching me? Who would be watching me? Questions like these rang in my head as I tried to fall asleep. I'm always wondering…. about Bozoe. He seems so innocent… and yet so evil. I wonder why NAXA hires monkeys to go into space? I mean they aren't exactly useful or anything. They might as well hire Lan Hikari to pilot a ship. Haha, that makes me laugh. I am just so God damn cool!_

_I wonder how Lan is doing? Last time I saw him he was being chased by a crowd of my angry fans. Aaah Lan… Wait a sec, why am I even wasting ink writing about that piece of chimpanzee crap? Meh, well anyways it seems I have to get someone to sign the permission form in order for me to stay on this space trip. How on earth do they expect me to do that? I feel so lonely… wait a second. I have Protoman! Yes, how could I forget about him? No wait, Protoman is merely a navi, not a living being. All he is is a stupid computer program. Besides, making friends with my navi will only make me weak in battle. I must not develop human relations with my navi. It will just make me end up like Lan, an emotional blubbering piece of trash. Well… I guess talking to him won't be too bad…_

Chaud took out his PET and looked into the screen. Protoman stood there, with a blank emotionless expression on his face.

"Hey Protoman… how's it going?"

Protoman stared at him with his mouth open. "M-master Chaud? Why did you just address me in a casual way? Such behavior from you is illogical. It's almost as if you actually cared about me!"

"Yeah, well, I don't. I just meant to say, well… how is your status?"

Protoman's eyes dropped back down in disappointment. "Everything is at a hundred percent. Except for power. That's at a hundred and fifty."

"Umm, yes good. So, Protoman, I know I've never asked you this before... perhaps this space adventure is just making me go a bit crazy but… how has your non-existent life been?"

"Well, let's see here… I was born a black navi in Alabama… momma never really liked me much when I was born but she always did-" Chaud cut him off, "Okay, well that's enough Protoman, bye!" He quickly turned off the PET and shoved it in his suitcase.

"Yeah, uh, that was definitely not a good idea." Chaud said to himself. He yawned softly and fell back on the floor/bed. He slowly fell asleep.

Hours later he awoke. "Uh… what time is it?" The Official Netbattler looked around and decided to check on Bitts and see what he was up to.

He walked through the halls of the ship. The lights everywhere were blinking on and off constantly (which created a very spooky atmosphere not that there wasn't one before). Chaud entered the control room. It was empty, there was not a soul to be found. "Hmm, no one is piloting the ship; what else is new?"

Chaud walked over to the dining area, which was also empty. "Eh, maybe he's in the recreation area."

The recreation area, or the living room, was a part of the ship that Chaud had only been to one time. It had a pong table, a big plasma TV, and a nice carpet, it was in fact the only part of the ship that was not plated in chrome.

He walked into the room which was dark. The only light came from the TV (which currently showed a picture of a stone well in the middle of it). Chaud looked at Bitts lying on the floor and laughed. "Well it seems someone likes to sleep in front of the TV. Hey Bitts wake up!" Bitts stayed motionless on the floor.

"Umm Bitts… wake up…" Chaud walked over to him and examined his face. But to Chaud's complete horror, Bitts had no face, or for that matter, he had no head either!

Chaud screamed, "AAAAAAHHHHHHH! BITTS!"

Chaud broke out in tears of horror, sorrow, and many other complex emotions that could not be put into human words. So I shall have to make up one. Aqueedsah. Chaud cried in tears of aqueedsah. Yes, that sounds perfect. Um, well I'm getting off the subject here but anyways…

"Bitts! Who could have done this to you!" Chaud looked at the TV, which showed a girl with long black hair covering her face, coming out of the well. "Oh what the hell!" Chaud kicked the TV screen in; the pieces of glass shattered.

"Ohhh… what is going on in this place!" Chaud closed his eyes, contemplating what to do.He stared at the TV and it shiny good as new screen.

Chaud gasped, "What the… I just kicked the TV screen and shattered it, why is it still there!"

The screen lit up with a picture of the stone well. Hands started to appear to come out of it and then a monkey came out, no a chimpanzee. He was smiling making retarded monkey noises and was walking out of the well. He started walking slowly towards the TV screen and eventually came to the very front of it.

Chaud started breathing heavily. "Bozoe…?" The chimp slowly stuck one hand out of the screen.Chaud screamed and ran out of the room.

_Space Adventure Day 3_

_Bitts is dead… I'm trying calmly to regain my mental composure… it's so dark. The lights… they keep blinking on and off… one would go insane here alone… but not me… I'm Chaud… the first official netbattler to go into space… my only company is a murderous chimp… I wonder where he is… he knows where I am… that camera… I wonder if he's looking… observing me… watching me… I've locked myself in my room…. He won't get me… but what about the ventilation duct… I must board it up… I can live without air for a while… as long as it'll keep me safe…. he's coming for me… I can feel it… I smell the terrible smell of monkey shit in the air…he's near… I wonder… will I ever live… Bitts… why would Bozoe do that to him… they were friends… I must live…. I must live… I MUST LIVE! I can't stay here forever… I have to kill him… yes I'll kill that sociopathic monkey bastard… that's what I'll do…_

_Space Adventure Day 4_

_The lights they keep blinking… on and off on and off…… I have gone for one day without food… there has to be something in this room to eat…. I feel weak…_

_Space Adventure Day 5_

_I could almost swear I heard the sounds of foot steps out side my door… and knocking… lots of knocking… two days and no food…. Damn you Bozoe… you suck… how I wish to some day kick your monkey ass… you know, you and I… are not so different… one of us will win this fight of mind and wits, it is all a matter of who makes the first move. You're waiting for me.. aren't you? Well guess what Bozoe… I'm waiting for you too…_

_Space Adventure Day 6_

_Three days without food… it's not so bad… I swear I can't feel it anymore… hunger…. It's getting colder everyday I spend in this room.. perhaps it's because someone turned up the air conditioning to full power… I wonder who would do that…._

_Space Adventure Day 7_

_Help…._

_Space Adventure Day 8_

_I'm leaving this room… I can't live in fear my whole life… Bozoe… I'll make the first move… and guess what… I think you're a (writing in this section of this journal is to illegible to be read)._

(Todays chapter parodied The Ring, but I'm pretty sure you all got that. Well, again sorry for the extremely long wait. Life has been tough. I'll try to update as fast as possible next time so expect a quick update. I would respond to reviews right now, but I am too emotionally drained after writing this chapter, so I'll go ahead and say this:

**_I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR REVIEWS AND OPINIONS! THANK YOU!_**

Oh and I just wanted to say that I am sorry for making Chaud out of character. I was just trying to be funny, didn't do a good job though.


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